Never Fail At Acting

Failed a sparkling, failed at being a hot 109 year old, failed at even looking "hot" at all, so now Robert Pattinson has a job in zoo-keeping.

Touche.

And I'm worried about the sanity of people everywhere. 

I will now call him by Edward Pattinson

This is a fake Edward look-alike. He isn't sparkling.

Dear Twilight, I'm sorry, what are you really? You aren't literature? You aren't quality entertainment. What Are you? Say it. Say it Out Loud. Are you ashamed? Sincerely, Harry Potter

Let's not forget the SparklyVampireTurningRide. You will be "bitten" by a vampire, where you will groan and scream very inappropriately, and where you will sparkle forever and ever and ever and fall in love with humans hundreds of years younger than you. ENJOY being arrested!

tsk. tsk. tsk.

She's mormon. She has a husband. She has two kids.

What a wonderful fantasy for Ms. Meyer here. 

"Daddy, who's that dude who's trying to bite mommy's neck? Do they realize sparkling vampires aren't real?" 

Anti-Twilight

Real Vampire VS. Faggot